


Once in a Dream

by tKing



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Child Abuse, Dave's Bro's Bad Parenting, Dream Bubbles, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Only at the very beginning, Other, Panic Attacks, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character, Transphobia mention, can I repeat?? not a good ending, not a good ending, then there's a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 14:43:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11762085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tKing/pseuds/tKing
Summary: Dave has a dream... or at least, he thinks so.





	Once in a Dream

Your name is Dave Strider. You’d like to say you believe that, but the toxicity and transphobia in your day to day life has got you questioning it all. All you know is you despise the parts of you that most of the public would consider “female”.

All you know is that you hate being referred to as a girl. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe you are too young to know what feels wrong and right, just like everyone says. You are 13, afterall.

But deep down, you know it. You know just how miserable you are, how horrid deep down it feels to be called “miss”, to be called “young lady”. You know that this isn’t just some small thing that will pass. You know this isn’t a phase. But you still wish it was. That everything would just go away in a year or two. It’d be so much easier that way.

You lay in your creaky, uncomfortable bed deep in thought, idly picking at your strifing scars. You take a moment to look at your barely-working digital clock. 12:38 am, huh? You should probably go to sleep soon, at least you’ll get three hours of sleep. This is your last cognitive thought as you force yourself to sleep.

\---

White. Blindingly bright.

You take a second to correct your thought process, “*Blindingly bright, white surroundings”. You’re about to explain that you didn’t even pronounce that ‘*’ but you still thought of it as there before you realize something. This is way too bright and it’s giving you a migraine. Not only that, but it is WAY too bright for you to have on your shades. Bingo. You’re uh.. your shades. You feel your face and it seems your suspicions were correct. Your eyes are just out in the open and your shades are NOT where they should be.

You stand up, a bit panicked. You don’t care if you get that feeling that this is a dream and aware of it, you DO NOT like having your eyes open for anyone to see. Anyone to read. Anyone to be disgusted at your unusual eye color.

That’s when you make out two semi-close figures. You recognise one of them and you stop. All of your previous movements become completely halted. Your stomach sinks, and if you could visibly be ANY PALER, you would have the second you knew who that was. But maybe you didn’t need that. You have a sneaking suspicion that fear may be radiating off of your very being, and seeing as they can see your eyes, you’re sure there’s terror in those as well, seeing as they’re probably close enough to.

“Dave?” Both figures say, concern riddling their voice and almost in unison, but not quite. That’s not what you’re focusing on, though. One of them. One of them is your Bro. But that’s not possible. That can’t be /your/ Bro. Your Bro barely ever even fucking speaks to you, much less is CONCERNED in the least bit.

But y’know what the weirdest thing is? They called you Dave. You’ve only told Jade and Rose about that. You’re not out to your guardian. You can’t come out to your guardian. You know he’d hurt you. The fact that the both of these people just said that, called you “Dave”, makes you suspicious of how real this really is. You still haven’t outwardly came to the conclusion that this is supposed to be a dream, but even if you’re suspecting it is, that doesn’t make you let down your guard or loosen up.

“How do you know that? I mean, I don’t even KNOW one of you, but I’m only out to TWO PEOPLE.” You ask cautiously, straightening your posture. But you know that can’t hide how terrified of this interaction you are. They both stay silent for a moment.

“... Because you’re our little brother? And what do you mean you don’t know one of us?”... Said the one of who you do not know. How convenient.

You point at him, “You! Tall guy in the suit with the ben stiller shades! I don’t fucking know you! And I’m pretty sure I’m an only child! Who ever are you?!” You pause, only to continue before they could respond. “And I’m pretty sure my Bro is actually genetically my dad, and the only fucking reason he probably gets me to call him ‘Bro’ is to make him feel better about his old-ass self! Hell, I might NOT be an only child! Who knows how many girls he’s knocked up, but I sure as fuck know he ain’t payin child support!” You end. You didn’t mean to rant, but it’s too late to go back now. You give them both cautious glares.

However, no matter how cold you want to be, this guy’s stare was downright pitiful in reaction to your response. It was a mix of shock and what you assume to be sadness. You kinda feel bad, if this guy’s Dave means that much to him. You envy that Dave, actually. What are you saying?! You aren’t even sure if this is all real.

“Dave…” He began, “Do you… do you really not know me..?” He looked almost devastated, as he slowly walked closer to you.

“What are you doing? Stop it! Don’t even think of touching me!” You screech out, quickly moving backwards and you automatically start panicking, used to your Bro cornering you. You think you might be shaking. No, you can confirm it. You are in fact shaking. Oh god you’re tearing up too. Jesus christ you wish you had your shades. You just want to run.

Of which you do….

… And you don’t get that far before a strong hand grips your arm, and even though it was a very light grip (in sharp contrast to your guardian’s), it still sent you quickly spiraling into a panic attack.

The following quick and panicked slurs of “oh god”, “I’m sorry”, “Please don’t hurt me”, and utter sobbing caught this Bro off-guard, as he let go of your arm only for you to try to run and come crashing to the ground.

You sob, still shaking, as you sit up after a moment to try to scoot yourself back after seeing how close not only this Bro was, but the other as well now. They both looked extremely concerned, but in your panicked state it didn’t matter, nor did it stop you from screaming, having intense flashbacks throughout this. Immediately after this, you curled up in a defensive ball repeating pathetic “please don’t hurt me”s.

You couldn’t hear them trying to call to you, too caught up in literally everything else, but you DID feel when one of them hugged you, held you as close as possible. His hands didn’t feel like Bro’s, so you assume it’s the other guy. You stiffened for a moment, before holding on to him tightly, crying even harder than before, as he raked his hands through your hair. You notice, after you calm down a bit, that he was whispering “shhh”s and “it’s okay”s. You don’t know why, but you feel safe with him.

After you calmed down completely, you said a small “Sorry”. This Bro also moved closer and sat down next to the two of you after noticing that you finally stopped shaking and crying, concern still lingering in his features.

“It’s okay, you have nothing to say sorry about.” Said the taller of the group, softly. You honestly need to ask what his name is. “...Are you okay?”

“I’m okay for right now. But if this is a dream, then I know when I wake up I won’t be.” You said quietly, clinging to him. You should be used to it by now, waking up and almost immediately having to see your drunken guardian and endure whatever he wants to do to you that night.

“Why… why did you react that way? I’m sorry ‘f that’s too much too answer.” The Bro asked lightly. You don’t know if you can explain what yours’ has made you go through. Then you see a bubble. A big bubble. A big, red bubble with a… gear in it? Some deep, deep part of your brain whispers to you that this is a memory, and encourages you to touch it. You alert the taller fellow of it and you all turn to face it, only then did you touch it.

A scene appeared around you. First it was a rooftop. /Your/ rooftop. It shown a strife between you and your Bro. Then it shown the apartment at night, one of the many nights he has come home intoxicated, though this was one of the first times it happened. He had broken a beer bottle over your head that night and whipped you with his belt. Followed by a few more memories, before the last scene faded away. You sat there, silent, not daring to make a noise. You were scared at the thought of them being disgusted at you for letting it happen after a while, but fighting back took a lot of energy that you just didn’t have.

Instead, they both hugged you. This Bro whispered a “God, I’m sorry.” and the other kissed your forehead. You aren’t used to this, but you wish you were loved this much by people in your day-to-day life.

\--

Slam.

Your eyes open, back in your dim room.

3:14 am.

“Too bad it was only a dream.” You say, heading out into the living room as your guardian calls for you.


End file.
